Monday, February 13, 2012

New Life, Old Feelings

Wow I can't believe I haven't updated at all since I moved. I want to say I've been too preoccupied to blog, but the reality is I haven't been doing much of anything. It's strange. Every day I feel like I've been doing things nonstop and yet when it's done I can't think of a single thing I did. I only have school once a week, I don't have a job yet. No other responsibilities to speak of. No friends to hang out with aside from the girl, but she works during the day. I do some chores around the house, go to coffee shops to get online and job search... but what else? I haven't been writing music, I mix sometimes but not nearly enough to justify all that gear I bought. I play games sometimes, but again not enough to totally occupy all this time. The last month has evaporated somehow, and I've got nothing to show for it.
The worst part is that even though I've had all this time to do whatever I want, I feel like shit. Like I'm really really down. I feel like I don't belong here. Which is stupid, because when I was living at home all I could think about was how I didn't belong there. I really thought this is what I was supposed to be doing with my life but if that were true, how could I feel so isolated and out of place? It seemed like everything was pointing me in this direction, everything happening in such a way that I couldn't ignore the feeling that I had a purpose here. Did I imagine all that? What am I doing wrong? Why aren't I happy? What the fuck do I need if not this?

I think I should write here more often. I need to figure this shit out, and I have nobody to talk to.